A River Runs Through It
by fiannab
Summary: River tries to make all the pieces fit. Unfortunately for this gifted, altered girl, with this all-to-human crew, the pieces are cut from different puzzles.
1. Trickle Down

By no means do I own these characters, because I'm not genius like Joss or Tim, or any other of the Mutant Enemy writers and directors. Thanks for being gentle about letting me borrow them for a bit!

My first attempt at Fanfic. Reviews are welcome :)

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River was standing flush with the wall, her eyes closed, the cool metal a welcome distraction from the things inside her head. She'd become accustomed to the people on this ship. They all felt – safe – or safer than anywhere else. She thought clearest when they were in deep space, when they were out amongst the nothing and the stars were cold company.

"Prickly, prickly. The spines of gods and goddesses." Her voice was inaudible, but she said it all the same. In her bunk Kaylee stirred restlessly, her dreams taking a dark turn. Zoe rolled into her husband's embrace, while Wash pulled the covers closer over both of them. Simon slept like the dead. She giggled. "The doctor like the dead," she smiled. "Death where is thy sting?" She touched her lips to the wall, and it was then she heard the soft clink of metal against metal, far below in the cargo bay; her eyes snapped open and she pushed back from the cold wall, her face an echo of loss.

"Mysterious fathoms…" she murmured as she moved softly onto the upper platform above the cargo bay. _Wanna play? _She walked quickly, like a giddy child, but with soundless exuberance that came so naturally to her.

Her feet made barely a whisper of sound as she padded across the catwalk, but he heard her. She was even quieter when she went to her stomach on the second landing, but her hair made a light swishing sound as she brushed it out of her face. She was watching him again. It made Jayne downright queasy when she did that.

It was dark on the cargo deck, but he felt her vivid eyes on him, even though he couldn't see her. He kept lifting, determined to ignore her, as he had so many other nights. But she stayed, watching. He felt his anger building as the sweat beaded on his forehead. Why in the gorram hell would she not be sleeping? Why did she come, night after night, to watch him get the only decent workout he could, out here in the middle of nowhere?

"A small thing makes you angry. What does that indicate about the size of your most essential parts?" Her disembodied voice floated down to him, the slightest sound above a whisper. In a sing-song tone she adds, "Anger, anger everywhere, smaller yet and light as air."

"What in the gorram hell's that crazy talk?" Jayne was unnerved, and wondered, not for the first time, if she was reading his mind.

"Better than a novel, and a docuvid on theoretical physics combined." Her giggle was almost in his ear, and he sat up and spun to see her hanging off the lower landing just above him. He could just make out the endless fall of her hair, and her pale cheeks fair glowed as she stared at him.

"Think yer a funny person, do ya? Hi-larious, do ya think?" He said sarcastically. "Damn sprite, think yer all-- sneaky, sneaking 'round like I ain't gonna know you're here."

"Wit is educated insolence, and you are not a fraud."

"Bu xuei, girl! Damn right I ain't no fraud. Get on to bed now! Ain't your brother sticking you with enough stuff to keep you in bed?" He'd have to have a word with that fei hua brother of hers. Simon swore she was getting better, but he hadn't seen any indication.

"A double negative. Always negative. A man named Jayne. It's not really about the money. Or the kill." She flipped suddenly off the platform, and landed, cat-like, on her feet and facing him. "You like it rough."

The little bit of light was on her face now; it was less shadowed. Her expression was eerie, like a cat again, hungry and hunting. Jayne was beginning to feel uncomfortable, but he'd be damned to show it.

"What do you want from me?" He muttered, rolling onto his back and beginning to press again.

She began to spin in circles around him, missing every obstacle in her path, dancing to music only she could hear. As she spun, she spoke soft words, and he knew she meant them for him, somehow knew they were in answer to his question. "Absence… Solitude… To be absurd and delicious…the fume of sighs – and a mirror…"

He finished his reps and shook his head, lying there and listening to her spin in the dark. "You know you'd be easier to get along with if you stopped speaking in gorram riddles all the gorram time."

She came and sat in front of him, her knees touching his, her skirt riding up her thighs as she straddled the weight bench. He'd been uncomfortable before. Now he was working quickly towards bothered. He started to stand, but her hand darted out to touch his chest; it stopped him as surely as if she'd held a gun. Only her fingers scorched him, where a gun would been cold.

"Simon – well, he's – no, and Mal he denies, same as Inara does. Kaylee, she's too much the same and Wash and Zoe, they sum one together. So the lesson has to be learned at the feet of a master."

She stared at him as if it all made sense, and she expected him to act. When he sat there, staring mutely back at her, she sighed, and moved closer. Jayne felt like ice everywhere, except where her fingers touched him, and her knees. She made a low sound in the back of her throat, then rubbed her face against his cheek. She whispered in his ear, "Exhausting the contemplation of experience, we could be integrally beneficial to the universe."

Then just as suddenly as she had come upon him, she was gone, fleeing toward the room she shared with her brother. Jayne sat very still, not moving until he heard the distant swish and click of the door, opening and closing, and a good bit after that, just to be sure.

Jayne was confused. And damn unhappy at that. Not only had she managed to make his brain feel like scrambled ai dun dun xing en, she'd left him strung up. Times like these a man wished they had some real whores on the Serenity, he thought to himself, shifting uncomfortably and glaring up in the general direction of Inara's shuttle.

Some days he hated this ship. Well, no way around it, he'd deal with it himself, like he usually did. It was only… He grunted, and got off the bench, making his way quickly, and carefully, up the stairs to his bunk.

Far below, River lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, listening carefully to the ebbs and flows of the people sleeping on the ship. And the one not sleeping. It made her feel… oddly warm, eavesdropping on Jayne, and she closed her eyes to savor the combustive reaction his passion had on her. He couldn't keep her out of his mind this time, since she was what brought him to it. She bit her lip to keep from waking Simon, but smiled too. It was delicious, just a little. She felt restless, and exhausted, warm and cold, all at the same time. When he came to the penultimate moment, she rose with him, almost to its peak, and crashed with a shuddering breath, just as he released the last of it.

River sighed deeply, and listened as he went to sleep. She was awed by their ability to just – get it out and go to sleep. She'd heard Wash and Zoe's passions so often, but it was different from Jayne's, or even Inara's clients, even the Counselor. What an interesting study that had been.

She rolled over, feeling sleepy, but not wanting to let go of her considerations. She was getting used to these people, and she was learning them. They fascinated her, and she didn't understand them. She knew everything they felt, every moment, but they never made sense, they fit no predictable pattern. It both amazed and troubled her.

_Learn the wrong things from experiences, do back flips for false devotions._

She didn't really want to go to her dreams tonight. They were always there, lurking, even when Simon's fogs were strongest. She sensed that she was losing this one. But she couldn't stay awake forever. And they would always be there, lurking, the doctors, the government, the Hands of Blue. She shivered, and thought again of Jayne, and smiled.

Sleep found her, and the horrors that it carried came soon after. But for a few brief moments, River experienced peace. When she woke, hours later, her screams had woken Simon, and he was beside her, wrapping her in his warm, safe, but ineffectual arms. As she shivered and sweated and cried baby tears into her brother's shoulder, she knew she had to keep studying Jayne. He might be the key. The key to lock her mind up again. The key to make them stop searching. She clutched at Simon's shirt and wept for all she'd lost, this moment of weakness hers to bear.


	2. Tiger, Tiger

She had slept a long while this time. Simon was sleeping again, and she could sense the passage of time was more than the few hours it should have been. This fog had been a heavy one, like an ocean she could breathe, and waking from it felt like swimming in mud. She wondered if fish felt the same way in air.

Mal was on the bridge. He was the only one awake, and barely. His mind was empty, mostly, as he looked into space. His thoughts were aimless, skimming the surface of a deeper state of thinking; she caught a spot of desire, a dash of ancient pain, and a sudden wave of desperation, all cloaked and hidden behind the cliffs of his resolve to continue living.

She focused on him, on the ebb and flow of his thoughts, and without realizing she moved, River found herself at the end of the hall, looking into the control room from a distance. She sat against the closed door of Kaylee's room, watching him watch the passage of space, her nightgown in a diaphanous puddle around her.

River like Captain Reynolds. He was broken, like her, but his breaking

She watched him, and perhaps because the fog still hovered, she touched his mind.

Mal jumped up from his seat, and spun to look at her. The feeling was unreal, but he knew instantly that it was her. He saw her gown first, and her wide, sparkling eyes in the dark by Kaylee's door. His heart pounded in reaction to it, but oddly, he found that he wasn't really surprised. He looked at her, meeting her eyes, for what seemed like years, then summoned her to him with a nod and a wave. She complied, effortlessly rolling to her feet and padding toward him, up the stairs to stand in front of him. She was barefoot, and her hair was mussed, as if she'd rolled out of bed and into Kaylee's alcove.

"You alright, River?" He was surprised his voice didn't break.

"I am foggy captain."

He smiled, uncertainly, and she smiled back. "You been sleeping a good while, young miss."

River tilted her head to one side, and her gaze slid to the stars above her, "Sleep… I wasted time in sleep… Simple Simon tried to carry water, but I am a sieve." Her eyes turn, and her head follows her body, and then her body follows her head, until she makes a full circle and comes back to face him, her eyes focused on the floor, and her thick, long hair obscuring her face. "The water runs right through." She sighed, and Mal caught a glimpse of her upturned eyes through the curtain of hair. "My Simon is not simple. But he's looking too strenuously for explanations that don't exist, and hence the solutions he finds are flawed."

Mal looked up at her, glanced at the instrument panel, which glowed serenely back at him. Then carefully, he pushed the hair out of her face and took her hands in his. "I can't say I take your meaning rightly, River, but I hope you'll have patience with your brother. I've never seen a devotion to family like unto his, and he means well by you." She nodded, and he continued talking, putting a slightly awkward, but fatherly hand on her shoulder as he stood to be beside her, looking out into the void. "You two have been a lot of things to this ship, but you both pulled your weight more 'n once. I have a good crew, and good ship, and a cargo that's gonna turn a profit. So it's a good day, right?"

River smiled, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

Mal looked down at her, wary, but sure now he'd approached it correctly. As uncomfortable as she sometimes made him, he had developed, if not a soft spot for the girl, it was at least a less hard spot. Ever since she had saved the ship from Jubal Early, since Ariel really, he understood a little better the magnitude of what Simon was trying to do. Still he made it a point not to question his own judgment.

River warmed against him, enjoying the strength of his pragmatism. "You are better than you think Captain. They don't even know why they are loyal to you, but I do. Even Jayne. And he doesn't even know he is either."

"I do too know! Um… Know what?" The voice came from behind them as Jayne had risen to take the captain's place on deck. It was a quiet stretch they were in, and so time off was allotted to everyone. Most times that put them in their own quarters, sleeping or doing what they most enjoyed.

River smiled, not looking at him. "You don't know. But the captain lets you stay anyway."

Mal turned and grinned at Jayne, enjoying his discomfiture. "Why Jayne, if you know, why are you asking? Time for me to go get a little shut-eye, and you can help River here watch the helm. Night!" And, feeling better than he had since Inara's departure, he headed to his bunk, to dream of clear skies and piles of money.

River went as far as the door, watching him go down into his bunk. She smiled softly, glad she'd chosen to give him some pleasure. The captain seemed simple sometimes, and perhaps on the surface, he was. He liked to think he had buried all his complex needs and emotions with the soldiers who had fallen under his command. She knew better, but she would allow him his delusions of simplicity. He needed it now, with Inara gone. Another problem she would rectify before too much longer.

Jayne was ignoring her. His mind was hot, radiating irritation and bother and desire. She could tell he still remembered too vividly the night before. She could feel the warmth infiltrating her stomach like liquid crystal, smooth and prickly at the same time. She moved to stand behind him, as close as she could get without touching him. The warmth grew within her, rising to her breasts, and her lips burned with it, tingling as if there were something they were missing.

Jayne felt her nearness, but stubbornly refused to turn around, hoping that if he didn't speak to her she'd go away. But he heard her; the change in her breathing, the small gasps and catches; his muscles began to tense as he remembered the feel of her skin against his, and the dreams that had followed. He took a deep breath and settled down in Wash's chair. He frowned harder, trying to change his thoughts to safer subjects. _Let's see. Stars – kinda like her eyes when she smiled… Gorramit! Black empty space. Planets. Uh… Trees. That old willow in his Ma's front yard…_ He was ok with that image until the flow of her hair superimposed over the old will tree.

He spun so quickly, he almost knocked her over. For once she looked startled. He caught her arms to keep her from falling, then stood up, still gripping her upper arms and almost shaking with emotions that he couldn't define. "Gorramit girl! Get out o' my head! I can't even think with you this close! Get out of here!"

He shoved her roughly away from him, and she caught herself on the frame of the door, barely managing to avoid falling down the stairs into the corridor. She stood there, clutching the frame, her hair hanging over her face and hiding her expression, but her whole body moved with her breathing.

Jayne was coming down from where he'd been, and was slightly horrified by his lack of control. But only slightly. He had little use for book-learning, had made a living on his brute strength and ability to track even the smallest varmint to his den at night in the middle of a rainstorm. He banked on his ability to shoot, and his drive was for a better life than he'd grown up with. But never had he ever dreamed he'd be tied up with a crazy rich girl who couldn't seem to keep her mind to herself.

His breathing was labored as well, and he watched as her heaving became punctuated by the occasional shudder. He frowned again, but deliberately turned away from her, sat back down, and gazed broodingly at the instrument panels without really seeing them.

River couldn't help it. She wanted to run. She couldn't move. Her shoulder hurt a little bit, where she'd banged it when catching herself from falling. But somehow, it hurt more that he'd turned his back on her. "I have conquered you." The words left her before she could stop them.

Jayne didn't respond. For once, he was refusing to be baited.

"I find myself a child of illusion."

"Yeah. Whatever. Go away."

"You are trying to build a fire in snow. Have you ever seen snow, Jayne?"

"Yeah, I seen snow. What's that got to do with—HEY! Stop trying to draw me in! I ain't stupid you know." He still refused to look at her.

River gazed at his back through the curtain of her hair. "A little hope, and I am finished."

He spun to look at her, trying to be threatening. As soon as he faced her she stood tall, threw back her hair, and smiled in triumph. "That is enough."

She turned and ran down the corridor and into the kitchen, out of sight, leaving Jayne bewildered, and feeling oddly as if somehow he'd lost a major battle.


End file.
